Learning to be assertive 

An assertive, healthy and balanced attitude requires that we present our own point of view and draw attention to our needs and at the same time that we heed and take note of the needs and points of view of those around us. Assertive people can express their feelings and model their behavior and decisions according to the context of the moment and they have the capacity to defend and uphold their own rights whenever a situation requires such action. An assertive person can do all of this without imposing his or her own will on other people and, inversely, without passively submitting to the will of others.

 

Assertiveness implies understanding our own individual way of being, accepting it and not being afraid of revealing it to the people around us. By hiding our true self we will only generate misunderstanding and a sense of malaise within interpersonal relationships. Being assertive means that you need to respect yourself. The ability to have healthy and mutually respected relationships with other people is based on how you see and feel about yourself, for one’s individuality and one’s uniqueness. Our relationships with other people are difficult, not clearly defined, and they can also be a source of some anxiety. This is basically due to the result of misunderstandings caused by an inability to relate to others in an open and honest manner.

 

Assertiveness is a skill we can acquire over time and a capacity that should be maintained. We should also avoid assuming extreme attitudes in one sense or the other. The capacity of being assertive in fact varies between two extremes, the first being that of total passivity, the incapacity to assume a particular stance in the presence of others and difficulty in relating to them, and the second being that of an excessive self-confidence, which may eventually turn into an aggressive attitude, whereby one would tend to prevaricate and impose one’s will upon other people and pay no attention at all to their needs. Neither of these extremes can be considered as adequate and, once again, the middle path is best.

 

Assertive people are not afraid to firmly express their opinions and when they are confronted by others, they are capable of reacting and if necessary may ask the person who has challenged them to modify his or her behavior if considered inappropriate. In order to develop an optimum degree of assertiveness three fundamental requisites have to be ensured: the first of these is knowledge of oneself, the second a healthy level of self-esteem and the third being respect for others. When developed to an appropriate degree, these three qualities give rise to what we can define as assertive behavior, which facilitates and promotes the growth of constructive and open interpersonal relations.

 

Being assertive does not mean that one is an egotist. Egotistic people do not consider other people’s needs and are exclusively concerned about their own demands and expectations, while the assertive individual comprehends the needs of others and takes them into consideration.

 

 

 

 

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